- Love is not dramatic or romantic sometimes. It is way bigger. It is something that helps accept what Is, wholly, and then change it.
There comes a time in the path of personal transformation when you question every single one of your choices that you seemed to comfortably live with until now. This can also happen when you find yourself aligned with different perspectives and cultural values when you perhaps move to a different country or growth in your education and career.
My perspective is — don’t blow up your life and relations entirely in your minds. Stay steadfast in making choices that work for you. Take responsibility for those choices. Give others involved, space to catch up with your new choices. Do it with love for yourself and gratitude for anything those prior relations have given you until now. It is a practice of compassion for yourself and others. It is a skill developed to continually attain a state of balance, in our day-to-day life and interactions.
“Don’t Blow Up your Life!” – I first heard these words from yoga teacher therapist Chase Bossart and I found resonance in it. I think this is important for long-time committed relations. Your newfound realizations of right or wrong about the relation are yours to resolve. Unless you are choosing to walk out of the relation, your reasons to stay are part of your gratitude and not your limitation in life.
If you are receiving something, anything from the relation, then be willing to contribute to the relation. The contribution would be, you going for the change you seek while allowing space for others to be themselves. Keep asking for the truth in your relationship while you keep going for your own truth. Give up the blame, shame, game and the fight.
Go for your own joy while giving others the space to be shaken a bit, or a lot. Hold them in the space of Love. When possible, hold them a bit tighter in love. You can do this in your mind, if you don’t actually hug.
This becomes easy only when you are being courageous to choose your own joy and wellness. You don’t need to turn it into a you-versus-me battle. Carve out small ways of being yourself. Shop for yourself, change how you look, take powerful life decisions to bring change, do what it takes – small and big. Show up beaming with joy, or choose contentment, just for making a different choice.
Begin to imagine how you would like things to be. Then inch by inch, even millimeter by millimeter, start making different choices. If you are confident of making a mile of a change, go ahead do it!
Have kindness for all involved, including yourself. Do things differently than habitual, be bold, convey your truth. Give it time. Keep steady in choosing what makes you happy. Hatred in your heart will not make you happy. Forgive in the name of human limitation. It is a choice for your own peace. Break your own limitation on this. Love is not dramatic or romantic sometimes. It is way bigger. It is something that helps accept what Is, wholly, and then change it!
(Top photo, Sunrise Kauai, Hawaii by Manish Doshi)
Pragalbha Doshi lives with her husband and 2 teenage boys in San Jose, CA. As a yoga teacher certified in therapeutic applications (E – RYT500), she facilitates change for people who struggle with chronic symptoms of stress, physical & emotional, and who want a productive & fulfilling life www.yogasaar.com. She works with the American Heart Association as the visiting stress management expert, teaching classes and webinars on stress relief and well-being. She writes poetry and personal growth articles on her blog Infinite Living http://www.pragalbhadoshi.com.