Don’t Get High, Get Free: Are Successful Indian Americans Happy With Their Lives in the Fast Lane?

The spiritual teacher Ramdass, often used to say, “Don’t get high, get free.” Ramdass, a brilliant, wise, and loving teacher was Richard Alpert in his previous avatar as a Harvard trained psychologist. Richard along with his friend Tim Leary were conducting psychedelic experiments at Harvard, which eventually got them fired. Richard, then proceeded to India, met his Guru — Neem Karoli Baba who named him “Ramdass — servant of God.” The rest is history.

Ramdass often used to say that as humans, we are always chasing the next high — whether it is in corporate careers, adventure sports, romantic relationships, addictions, or in spiritual quests. As I observe people around, I find this to be so true across all age groups and dimensions. No matter who I talk to, everyone seems to be chasing the next high.

Young adults in their 20s seem to chasing the high in the “work hard, play hard” life strategy. I also equally see them chasing hot start-ups, quick rich schemes, social media highs, high risk adventure sports, wild parties, psychedelic highs, and so on. Things don’t seem to change much in the 30s. People still chasing the highs of their 20s and now adding the romantic dimension beginning in their late 20s to 30s. Now, we have the epidemic of chasing the high on finding the perfect mate, perfect proposal, perfect destination wedding (preferably with a sprinkle of Bollywood) while continuing to chase the career highs.

For the next two decades or so, it is about chasing the high of having the perfect number of kids, perfect vacations, perfect schools, nannies, while continuing to ride high in your careers, and chasing the high of “having it all.” Next, we move into the phase of the “empty nester” years. Here, things start to diverge a bit. Some continue to chase the highs in their careers because they really don’t know what else to do. Some others feel lost and wonder what next and feel stuck. A few chase after the high in adventure hikes. This is more often the scene among the Indians in my community. A common joke I hear is that orthopedic surgeons have been thriving ever since middle-aged Indians got into the chasing of “hike highs.” So many of us did not grow up athletic in our country. The focus was primarily on academics and very few of us had the time or the luxury to get into athletic adventures. But now in our late 40s and 50s many of us have the time and the money to spend on outdoor adventures and get ambitious about it. The result is many ACL tears and injuries and the surgeons laughing all the way to the bank.

It has become a common thing to see people post one adventurous hike after another on Facebook. Hikes to the Himalayas have now become common either as a sports high or a spiritual high. Some others chase the high in spiritual circles through pilgrimages, spiritual retreats, intellectual discussion groups, chanting circles, and so on. A few others are chasing the high through philanthropic activities trying to find the best cause to support or fund. Some chase the high from finding the best vacation adventures and exotic tours, cruises, kinky sexual experiences and so on. And if you are really among the rich and famous, you are chasing the high in star trek adventures exploring space. No matter what the field — business, politics, artists, scientists, social media, spiritual and religious pursuits, everyone is chasing the next high. This addiction is so rampant that we see aging politicians with brain disorders refusing to get off the wheel and stop the chase.

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When will we realize that the game is not to get high but to get free? Ramdass was so right. His life experiences taught him that no matter how many highs we get to experience, they are all transient and we will have to come back to the emptiness of the void inside. All the psychedelic highs did not give Ramdass an ounce of peace or freedom until he learned that the real liberation came from getting free, not high. But when I look around, I don’t see any of us understanding this. Everyone is chasing the next high from cradle to the grave. And when you are in your wisdom years and chasing the next high, it makes you look sad, desperate and pathetic.

As Eckhart Tolle used to say, the world is meant to disappoint you and keep you searching for more. Nothing in this world — people, objects, money, experiences will ever complete you or make you happy. The Earth lab is designed that way for a purpose. It is to drive you to go within and look for what will set you free. True freedom is experienced when we drop all our resistance to life — to what is. When we can meet each moment of our life’s unfolding with a curious, beginner’s mind, with wonder and awe of a child, then we can begin to perceive the extraordinary in the ordinary. Then we can wonder what it is to be free — free of expectations, roles, titles, achievements, attachments, aversions, desires, hopes, fears, what ifs, if onlys, cultural editors, family legacies, intergenerational traumas, external validation, other people’s scripts, perfectionism, shame, and all other baggage that weighs us down in the wheel of samsara. Perhaps, then we can, even if for a nanosecond, experience what true freedom feels like.

Vinutha Mohan is a California-based licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in trauma. Before her avatar as a therapist, she spent over 15 years in the corporate world.