Being an American: Every Thanksgiving I Reflect On How to Express Gratitude for What I Have

I grew up in a family where no one ever said thank you. We were taught that everything we do for others is our duty and we should not seek reward or validation for our good deeds. So, I was always the first one to notice when someone needed help – and stepped up to do what I could. But thank you’s were a perpetual source of embarrassment.

When I first came to the U.S. at age 5, school desegregation had already occurred but my brother and I were the only non-whites in an all-white school. My father, a well-known mathematician, had been invited to help America put man on the moon and win the “space race.” After getting a degree in Astronomy, he worked at MIT. We lived in an all-white neighborhood.

At school, my brother and I were the odd ones. Most kids either ignored or made fun of me. My brother had it worse, and was severely bullied. My parents were extremely conservative, so I was not permitted to go to slumber parties or class dances with the few friends I did have. So, it took me a while to learn the power of a simple thank you.

We moved to California when I was in the 5th grade. It was a totally different landscape. After we had lived there for a year, the girl next door confided: “When you moved here, I did not know you were from India. I just thought you had a gorgeous tan.” My classmates would take bets at the beginning of the summer as to who would become as dark as me when school reopened. I was no longer a pariah and instead became an object of curiosity and even envy. 

I was invited to be on the “Art Linkletter Show” where I was questioned about my Indian heritage and asked to do an Indian dance. And I won a bike. Yes, my very first bike. I had just learned to ride my brother’s bike so I jumped at the opportunity to ride on stage during closing credits. “Thank you,” Art said. “I didn’t know Indian girls could ride bikes.”

My father told us the day we arrived here that America was our home. We needed to learn the language and embrace the culture.

One day, a few weeks after my TV appearance, my teacher came to me and said, the local newspaper wants to interview you and asked if I would do it. There weren’t a lot of foreign students around those days and I was still a curiosity. I said sure. Then my teacher said something I didn’t understand. “Say thank you,” she said, “or I will cancel the interview.” I was taken aback and didn’t quite understand why I was supposed to thank her. I was puzzled and said nothing. The interview never took place.

Since then, after a long career and many friendships, I have learned the power of those simple words. One thing that we all have in common is our need to feel useful, to be appreciated. As my friendships developed, I soon learned that expressing thanks frequently and often is the American way. How you make requests and respond to them makes the difference between a warm reception and being labelled as standoffish or egotistical.

Every Thanksgiving, I reflect on how to express gratitude for what I have. On how not to take others for granted. I remember how long it took me to realize this. And I remember all the things I am thankful for. Being an American is one of those things.

My father told us the day we arrived here that America was our home. We needed to learn the language and embrace the culture. We stopped speaking Hindi at home. As a result my mother, who only had a high school education and spoke little English, soon became fluent and made friends. 

Despite a few instances of bullying, a few ugly comments in the “slam books” when I was a kid, most folks were kind and generous. They showed me and my family by words and actions that we were welcome. I grew up taking long walks in the woods by our home, riding bikes, and visiting my friends’ homes. I truly felt I belonged and the color of my skin and my country of origin did not matter.

Today, many immigrants feel that the values and ideals that brought us here, the knowledge that if we worked hard, were honest, and played by the rules we could achieve anything we wanted, no longer exist. Undoubtedly, the face of our nation has changed. People are afraid to freely express their views. They are afraid of alienating their friends and co-workers. Some have even experienced harassment, job loss, and death threats for expressing their views. I know I have lost friends on social media simply because I express views that differ from theirs. It has become Us v. Them.

That, quite simply, is the issue today. We are unable to discuss issues with individuals who think differently. We seem to be getting our information from different sources. And few are willing to fact check or even be open to the idea that what they are hearing may not be true or they might not have the whole story.

We as a society put labels on everything and everyone. Democrat and Republican. White and Black. Right and Wrong. But life is not so simple. Every issue is complex and multifaceted. Every action we take has consequences, good and bad. Until we are able to discuss issues with an open mind, listen to different points of view, and be willing to compromise, we cannot change the paradigm.

Most of all, we need to give thanks. Thanks for living in a society where humanity is cherished and our opinions are valued. Where we are able to help each other in times of need. Where we have a standard of living that most of the world’s population can only dream of. And where we are free live the lives we choose. 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

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Kamana Mathur is a former U.S. Diplomat, attorney, and social activist. Kamana has written for several publications and has been a prolific blogger, including Pittsburgh Immigrant, when not working for the feds. Recently retired, Kamana has resumed blogging on Substack. She is currently working with local groups to encourage dialogue on immigration and other issues that matter to Americans.